my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
