I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
