She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
