I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
