I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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