"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
