OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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