Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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