Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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