the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
40s are totally the cure
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
