I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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