So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
