he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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