awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
