I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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