he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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