I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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