Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
