i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
