I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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