dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
