theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
