There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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