Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
