found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
