i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
