I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize