I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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