Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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