Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
