i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
