Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm experimenting with sincerity
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
