I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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