why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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