Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
