covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
