I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
zippers are such a cool invention
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
