I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
