Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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