All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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