I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
