Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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