so let's talk penis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
