two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
