And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
