If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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