I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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