just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
