Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
