there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish my penis had a tongue
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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