lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
