i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize