it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
