Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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