It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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