Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
