You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
