I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
