Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
