all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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