I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
