I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
