speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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