wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
