We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
