I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
