I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
