Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
