I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
