chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
