Whod you bang
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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