Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Who died my cat blue again?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
