we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
