Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
