Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
