i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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