Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
