Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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