**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize