Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize