He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
