I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
