I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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