Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
