theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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