Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
