I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
