My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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