You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
