some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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