I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
