Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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