piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize