Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
