You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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