Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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