Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
