is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
