thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
