i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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