Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
